Are Demons in your Brain Soul-Sucking your Success?

Let’s face it, from time-to-time (some of us more often than that) we all have little demons that like to whisper sweet nothings in our ears. If we listen too closely to these toxic messages, we just might fast-track our way to failure.

Below, we will delve into six different demonic presences that might be lurking in that old noggin of yours…

1. The “Happy Gilmore”: For those of you who haven’t seen the movie in reference, first off shame on you (kidding of course…sort of), Happy Gilmore, a character portrayed by comedian, Adam Sandler, is an aspiring hockey player shockingly turned pro-golfer.

Throughout the movie, Sandler’s character routinely throws temper tantrums at the first sign that things aren’t going his way. Unable to control his emotions in the early scenes of the movie, Happy’s rage and frustration get the best of him and severely hinder his ability to perform.

2. The Bully: The second demon is a very common one, it’s the Bully that routinely barrages your consciousness with negative self-talk: you suck; you’re so fat, you’ll never make it; you’re stupid; might as well just quit now…the list goes on.

The Bully’s endless verbal beat down can often be very effective in pulverizing you into submission. If left uncontested for too long, you will eventually come to accept its messages as truth.

3. The Goldilocks: In the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, the young Goldilocks ventures into the Bears’ house and proceeds to use their belongings and eat their food. In the story, Goldilocks complains about the porridge being too hot or too cold, and about the beds being too hard or too soft, needing them to be completely perfect (or “just right”) to meet her satisfaction.

The Goldilocks believes that perfect conditions are necessary in order to accomplish anything and perform at ones best. A situation as far-fetched as the old fairy tale itself.

4. The Deflector/Rationalizer: I’m sure we’ve all seen someone afflicted by this demon. The Deflector is always looking to blame someone or something else for his or her misfortune. The Rationalizer causes us to believe that we never really wanted it (a goal/achievement that still eludes us) in the first place.

These demons are quite similar in that they reactively create a sense of denial in a person’s mind about the reality of a situation.

5. The Snow White Queen: We all know the story of the Evil Queen in Snow White, who perpetually asks, “mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all.” The Evil Queen lurking in your head needs constant approval from others in order to feel worthy and accomplished.
6. The Woe-is-Me: This is the life’s not fair-, everyone’s out to get me-, I have it so tough-demon. This demon will make us wallow in our own self-pity and render us completely ineffective and unproductive.

If you’re still reading, you obviously recognize there is a deeper lesson to all of these satirical references. Obviously, I don’t actually believe there are demons in your head in the literal sense, but I use the metaphor to help illustrate the importance of separating self from thoughts.

Once we are able to do that, we can start to tackle these negative mindsets head-on. Let’s take a look at some strategies below:

Conquering the Demons

1. Interestingly enough, on my way home tonight, I was listening to another great Lewis Howes podcast where he interviews Susan David, author of Emotional Agility. The two discussed the importance of separating yourself from your emotions by recognizing them as feelings, (i.e. I feel sad, angry, frustrated, etc as opposed to I am sad, angry, frustrated, etc).

Through doing this, we are better able to recognize, review, and respond to our emotions, rather than reacting to them. The more we practice this strategy, the better we will be able to avoid the Happy Gilmore reaction to the emotions that come about.

2. Much like a real-life antagonist, the Bully can be a very tough one to overcome. The key here is early action. The sooner you can recognize and confront the self-deprecating name-calling going on in your head, the less power the bully will have over you.

The Bully wants you to give up and take the easy way out. After all, it’s easier to simply assign yourself some derogatory label, than to admit where you are falling short of your own expectations. Rather than verbally abusing yourself, however, put your foot down and accept that you need to step your game up. Take a positive and constructive approach by mapping out a revised plan of action that will put you back on track to where you want to be.

3. When thinking of Goldilocks, another favorite book from Dan John comes to mind, Can You Go? (this is my second Dan John reference in a week…it’s safe to say I find him to be a pretty knowledgeable guy).

In his book, Dan discusses how those whom he coaches will often look for an out – an explanation of why they might not be able to give their best showing during the current set of less-than-ideal circumstances.

Perhaps the individual is sick, didn’t sleep well, or is experiencing relationship issues, etc. In response to all the potential objections, Dan then asks the question, “can you go?” – meaning, are you able to put forth your best effort today despite the circumstances?

All too often in life, we look for the way out, or simply wait forever for the perfect time or situation to strive toward our goals. The only perfect time to act is now. You can avoid Goldilocks by accepting that things will never be perfect and that you must move forward regardless.

4. The quickest way to silence the Deflector/Rationalizer is to accept full responsibility for the outcomes you experience in life:

You didn’t miss the gym today because you were too busy, you just chose to not make it a priority;

You didn’t get that speeding ticket on your way to work because the cop was out to get you, you chose to hit snooze five times before getting out of bed this morning and,  consequently, were running late;

You didn’t lose the game today because the other team had the refs in their pocket, you simply failed to adequately prepare for the match and got outplayed.

The book Extreme Ownership, by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin, is an excellent book on this topic. I highly recommend you give it a read if you are ready to learn what taking responsibility for where you are at truly entails.

5. If you go through life chronically seeking the approval of others, you will never find the fulfillment you so desperately crave. At some point, that which drives you has to originate from within. Once you can start to find the intrinsic inspiration and belief in yourself, others too will start believing in you.

Because you are internally driven, however, you will no longer be dependent on others to experience joy and success in life. Surely, having the support of those you care about is a huge blessing, but they can now be there to enrich your life, rather than to sustain it.

6. No doubt, the whole “life ain’t fair” statement is a true one. There are many people out there who are far better off…but guess what, there are just as many out there that have it far worse.

Feeling sorry for yourself will get you nowhere, and so you might as well find some more proactive strategies for attacking life. You can start by focusing on your fortunes in life, rather than your misfortunes. Every night before bed, write down three things that you are grateful for from your day – these can be people, events, gifts, ideas, etc. Do this for a few weeks, and you will be amazed at how your perceptions will change for the better.

So, there you have it! You are now armed with effective strategies for conquering the demons mentioned above. While there are several others that can stand in the way of success, hopefully, the insight provided here will help you recognize the demons lurking in your brain and better prepare you for overcoming any that you may face.

I would love to hear your strategies for defeating your own personal demons, so please feel free to share!